To Those Who Fall
by angelcastiel666
Summary: Dean Winchester saved Castiel from his ignorance, innocence and vulnerability and introduced him to a new life, giving him care and protection. But why can't he feel it? Upon joining the Winchester's hunting Castiel soon found that he couldn't feel the same way the brother's did. He wanted to feel. He wanted to love. But he couldn't. Was there a way to fix it? To fix him?


Castiel looked down at the body of Dean Winchester, slumped awkwardly on a tatty sofa with nothing but a dirty coat to shield him from the harsh wind whirling around the room; it echoed dully off the walls of the abandoned house that Team Free Will were currently residing in, creating an uneasy atmosphere which the trio were long since accustomed to. Castiel had been hunting with the Winchesters for three weeks. They were trailing a Rugaru who had killed three victims, including her own father and sister. Castiel had followed the Winchester's dutifully and with fascination as they had impersonated multiple FBI detectives, long lost relatives and town sheriffs in an attempt to find the Rugaru and kill her, thus ending her family line.

As Dean continued to sleep peacefully, Castiel wondered what it was like to sleep; to have dreams and to be disconnected from reality, if only for a few hours. He watched as Dean stretched slightly, before continuing to breathe heavily and slip farther into his subconscious. Castiel had slept once, but he could no longer recall what he had dreamt about – if he had dreamt at all. It was strange to think that beings as small and insignificant as human's could create vast worlds and the most fascinating scenario's in their minds when Angel's could not. Why had his father created them this way? Were Angel's not worthy? Throughout much of his life, Castiel had seen human's as competition, as yet another obstacle keeping him from his father, yet those thoughts were always overridden by his loyalty and trust in his father and brothers, whom in the resent years Castiel had learned were not nearly as worthy of his trust as two human's by the name of Sam and Dean Winchester.

Curiously, Castiel wandered closer to the eldest Winchester and brought his fingers up to gently touch against his forehead, only wanting to catch a glimpse of what he was dreaming about. Castiel's surroundings soon faded and before he was completely aware, he was in Dean's subconscious, looking upon Dean in a cabin, talking to Chuck Shurley.

"_What's wrong with Cas?" Dean asked Chuck, pinching the bridge of his nose, "What's going on and where the _hell _is Sam?" _

"_Sam is gone Dean, Sam said yes to Lucifer. You couldn't save him, just like you can't save us from the hundreds of thousands of Croatoan outside that want to hunt us and eat us." Chuck sneered, his face twisting into an almost inhuman scowl of malice. _

"_Sam said yes?" Dean asked in disbelief, backing away from Chuck and towards the back of the room, "I want to, to talk with Cas—Take me to Cas," Dean demanded, trying his best to stay up when Cas could see that he was finding it extremely difficult to not fall to his knees and break down in the security of his own mind. _

_Cas continued to overlook the situation, listened as Chuck described him as 'a failure' 'broken beyond repair' and 'the one that got away'. Cas listened to Chuck blame Dean for it, and saw the light in Dean's eyes fade upon realizing that every one of his friend's weren't there for him. _

"_I don't care," Dean snapped, in denial that he didn't have a single friend left "Take me to him or I swear to God I'll—" Dean was cut off by Chuck letting out a harsh laugh, mocking Dean for his faith in Cas._

_Castiel – fully aware that he wasn't visible to either of them – walked towards Dean, analysing his expressions, and movements, feeling himself grow troubled at how Dean saw himself and the world. Cas noticed first that Chuck had pointed out that Dean failed to save Sam, and next he blamed him for Castiel being 'broken', he recognized this as Dean's deepest fear and insecurity: not being able to protect his friends. Castiel watched as Chuck continued to taunt and poke at Dean, and as Dean attempted to give weak arguments before finally giving up and falling to the floor. This didn't stop Chuck; he started to blame Dean for Ellen's death, and for Lucifer being freed from the cage and for numerous other things that Dean believed he screwed up in his seemingly meaningless life. _

"_How could you save the world Dean? What do you think you're doing trying to run this place? You're not playing pretend with Sammy any more. People are dying here. Do something" Chuck mocked, causing dean to curl further into himself. Dean kept his eyes trained on the floor, ignoring Chuck's gaze and clenching his fists until he felt small trickles of blood drip from the holes his fingernails had dug into his palm. _

"_Cas, for God sakes Cas can you hear me?" Dean finally muttered, feeling lost and confused, but most of all: alone. In that moment, hearing Dean's broken voice ask for him, after all he had done – after he had let Dean down so many times – Cas decided to make himself known to Dean. _

"_Dean, I'm here" Castiel announced, gently placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean looked up at Cas, his face softening when his eyes laid on familiar features. Castiel smiled reassuringly at Dean and immediately he witnessed the room around them fade away, Chuck's cries of protest dissipating into nothingness until the pair were surrounded by darkness. Cas knelt down beside Dean, and stretched his arm around his friend in an awkward attempt at comforting him; dean leaned into the movement, drawn to the comfort of another person, feeling less alone than he had done in a long time._

"_Cas, wake me up," Dean asked, his eyes settling on a point in the darkness as he realised that he was asleep. _

"_Okay," Cas replied._

All too soon Dean was no longer in his arms and he was standing in the cold abandoned house, watching Dean as he slept, not so peacefully as Castiel had previously thought. _Maybe dreaming isn't such a good thing after all, _Cas thought to himself as his mind was drawn to all the mistakes he had made, of all the nightmares which would be repeated night after night if he had been given the luxury of sleep.

"Maybe that's why Angel's can't sleep," Cas thought aloud, before gently shaking Dean to wake him up and bring him into yet another nightmare.


End file.
